Dawson's Blog

Profile Of A Young Abuser
  1. The young abuser first presents himself as one who possesses great personality, charm, and popularity. Yet, all of these things are just a front to cover his own insecurities, hurt, and rage. Many times, those around him are totally shocked he would abuse his girlfriend. But they are wrong. The Mr. Nice Guy they know is really Mr. Nightmare.
  2. The young abuser is exceptionally street smart about how to find needy girls. He knows enough not to mess with secure girls, but rather those with low self-esteem and dysfunctional homes. It’s like he can spot these girls a mile away. The abuser often cheats on his girlfriend, for he is ever on the prowl to find more victims he can dominate and use.
  3. The young abuser often learns how to be abusive in his own home. The young abuser who has grown up in an abusive home may have learned that violence like hitting or verbal abuse is the way to solve a problem. In fact, many young male abusers were themselves abused, although most will deny it.
  4. The young abuser is often extremely insecure, angry, and afraid. This is one reason why he must put down and control his girlfriend. At least he knows there is one person lower than himself. This gives him a sense of superiority and entitlement. In his fragile and confused thinking, he thinks he should have whatever he wants, even if he has to violate a needy girl to get it.
  5. The young abuser is almost always a “relationship control freak”. Because of insecurity, unless he is in control, the young abuser feels worthless, untrusting, and afraid. Therefore, he is forever trying to control every move his girlfriend makes. He is usually the one who decides what she will wear, what kind of makeup to use, her schedule, her very life. In the end, the abuser chokes the emotional life right out of his girlfriend victim.
  6. The young abuser is very jealous. Often, the young abuser is not in touch with what he is really feeling and what those feelings mean. One emotion they all feel is toxic jealousy. At the beginning of a relationship, the abuser is convinced his jealousy is a sign of true love. That is why he will do everything in his power to isolate his girlfriend victim from everyone else but him. He will accuse her of flirting and cheating on him, which often leads to physical as well as psychological abuse. If he feels jealousy is a sign of true love, he is sadly mistaken. Jealousy has nothing to do with love. It is just the opposite.
  7. The young abuser is driven by the “love at first sight” phenomenon. He is all about pressure. Once he finds his victim, he will move quickly to get her involved with him. He will come on to his new girlfriend strong and fast, pressuring her to make a commitment to him almost immediately. Since his girlfriend is especially needy and suffers from her own deadened and damaged emotions, she too falls into the “I must be in love” trap. But all the young abuser and his girlfriend victim are rushing to is a cruel and heartbreaking relationship that almost never can be fixed.
  8. The young abuser uses sex as a form of control and aggression. Since the young abuser has deep feelings of helplessness, powerlessness, fear, and rage, he will use sex in a cruel and selfish way to try and bolster his own self-esteem. If his girlfriend victim says no to his advances, she is usually pressured until she gives in. If that does not work, the young abuser will often end up sexually assaulting her. His girlfriend will do just about anything to keep the relationship going with her abusive boyfriend. Soon, the relationship deteriorates into sex on demand. In fact, 75% of all teenage and young adult females claim to be pressured to have sex.
  9. The young abuser is verbally abusive. He will say anything to keep his girlfriend victim beaten down and feeling totally worthless. He will curse at her, call her cruel names, and make fun of any of her accomplishments. His message through all this abuse is simple: “You’re so stupid and worthless. You cannot function without me in total control of your life. In fact, I am entitled to anything I demand of you and if you don’t give it to me, I will do everything in my power to drive you away.” Sadly, the young abuser is in so much denial, he will not admit to himself or anyone else the pain he has caused his girlfriend. In the end, he is an unaware tragic, lonely figure hurting a girl who is totally ignorant of true love.
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